The Truth About Crash Bandicoot

Crash Bandicoot. More like Ass Bitchicoot.

Crash Bandicoot is a gay fox or dog. He likes to sit around and watch gay shows. Normally he likes to fight bad guys, but his thing is sitting on his butt all day and talk. The way he talks is ridiculous. He speaks with gibberish. All that mumbling and groaning and stuff. Unfortunately, Crash doesn't know the English language. But for some reason, his friends, his allies, his enemies, and even his sister and older brother, understand what he is saying. WHAT THE HECK IS THAT???!!! HOW THE HECK DO THEY KNOW ALL THIS GIBBERISH CRAP???! THAT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL!!! Check out below for more.

Crash Bandicoot
Before the events of Crash Bandicoot, Crash was just a normal bandicoot who does gay things. Meanwhile, a doctor named Neo Cortex was experimenting all different kinds of creatures on Earth. Until one day, when Crash was hanging out chilling with his...........GIRLFRIEND???? WHAT THE HECK??????!!! CRASH IS GAY, HOW CAN HE POSSIBLY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?????!!!!!! Well, heres the explanation, Crash does not want anybody in the whole world, even his family, to know that he is gay. So he gets a girlfriend and starts walking around town to show that he is a heterosexual. He does not tell his girlfriend, which is named Tawna, the real truth. So during that day, they were both captured by Doctor Neo Cortex. Crash was the first one to be evolved by the Evolvo Ray. Then he was going to be brainwashed so he can be evil. But he failed. Crash wanted to be his boyfriend but Cortex said "Heck no!" So he chased him. He crashed-opened a window and fell flat on his ugly face.

Crash's Friends
Polar: Crash rides on a retarded polar bear called.......uh......Polar! Unfortunately, Polar did not go to Control School, where you go to learn how to control yourself, because he doesn't even know how to steer himself to a certain direction. He is basically useless.

Pasadena O' Possum: Pasadena O' Possum is a weird country girl who looks like she's wasted. Her favorite thing to do is drink alcohol. Yeah, when Crash is out of her sight, she sneakily drinks some alcohol she puts in her pocket. She also has a CRUSH on Crash. Ewwww, she picked the wrong buoy. Oh, I'm sorry, did you mean buoy? Or boy? Probably buoy. She is also addicted to collecting men for sexual purposes. So don't trust this whore. EVER!!!!

Coco Bandicoot: Coco is the girl who never shuts the fuck up. She is constantly talking and talking and talking. You would never want to be her friend.

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